Growing In Our Hearts: May 2011

     Since starting this process, I have been amazed at how God has shown His hand in the details. It has been reassuring actually. It is easier to know that you are in His will, and that He is taking care of things, when you can see Him in the journey. We have bigger steps that are yet to come, but I wanted to share how God has been with us so far.
     In the fall of 2010 Ryan began talking with a guy at work (who he had worked with for over 3yrs) and discovered that they had a lot in common. This seems like an everday situation, but Ryan had actually been praying, for years, for a close Christian friend who would challenge him in his walk with God. I think that those friends are harder for guys to find than they are for women. He would often become frustrated that he had not yet connected with anyone like this. So, when Ryan met Justin it was a huge answer to prayer. It turns out this was also an answer to prayer for Justin. Shortly after, I met Justin's wife, Rachel. It turns out that they had being trying to start a family for several years and had struggled with infertility as well.
Meanwhile, after some conversations with some people at church (those "out of the blue", "coincedental" kind) I had started thinking about looking into adoption again. I had begun to pray about it because I felt like God was starting to lead me in that direction, but I wasn't quite sure yet. The memories of my previous frustating experiences were not yet forgotten. I had not mentioned this prodding feeling to Ryan yet. I figured that I would wait to be sure it was where God was leading me first, before stressing him out. Our finances were very tight during my teaching intership in the fall. I had to quit my paying job in order to finish my degree. It wasn't the best time to mention that I think God is calling us to adopt.
     After a conversation with Justin, Ryan came home and told me that Justin was kind of stressed because Rachel wanted to start the adoption process. Really God? So, I told Ryan that I had been feeling like God was leading me in that direction as well. He was for it, but he wanted to wait until I had a full time teaching job and life was more comfortable. After all, that would make a lot more sense that looking into adoption while you are in the middle of an unpaid internship, right?
     I spent the next several months researching adoption agencies, grants, and interest free loans. I shared the information with Ryan along the way. In the meantime, Justin and Rachel had started their adoption process with an agency in Tampa. I had looked at the same agency once before. After tallking to Rachel, and looking a little more, we had pretty much decided that we were going to go with the same agency. Our adoption would have cost about $28,000. However, that did not include the $1500 homestudy, the $750 application fee, or the cost of the post placement visits. We knew that this entire process would be a huge lesson in learning to completely trust God. It might as well start with the cost. As Justin put it, "God never orders something He can't pay for".
    By the time we thought we were sure about which agency we wanted to go with, Justin and Rachel had been paired with a birthmother. Their little girl was due in February. It was such an encouragement to us to be able to walk with them through their adoption journey, and to see the ways that God worked along the way. God knew we needed this as we prepared to take such a huge leap of faith.
     About this time, my dad informed me that our governor had appointed someone new to be the head of the Department of Children and Families for our state. This man had been the president of Florida Baptist Children's Homes prior to his new position. Florida Baptist who? I had not come across their name in my search for adoption agencies. But, then again, I hadn't searched for children's homes. So, I looked into the children's home and it looked very promising. I found out that they work with the state system and with pregnancy centers to place children in Christian families. Their view of adoption is that it is a ministry. I also found out that the maximum amount a family would pay for an adoption would be $15,000. This included the homestudy, the application fee, and the post placement visits. God was already answering prayer in regards to the financial burden this was going to be. The headquarters of Florida Baptist Children's Homes was in Lakeland, which was only about an hour and a half a way. Ryan and I went to an orientation one evening. At the end, he told me this was the place. He had a peace. There was a small problem though. We would both have to attend a 10 week parenting class to get started. This wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't for Ryan's schedule as a firefigher. He doesn't work the same days every week, but the classes are the same day every week. He knew that he could take a four hour leave from work, but if we had to drive an hour and a half both ways, he wouldn't have enough time for the three hour long class. And, the classes were only offered certain times of the year. It could be some time before we could get started. If this was the case, why would God have started us on this journey now? He is not usually one to give a heads up on His plans. Well, it just so happened that a class was going to be starting that month at church right down the street from where we live. That was close enough that Ryan could take his four hour leave from work and still have time for the class. I guess God doesn't overlook the details.
     Several weeks into the class, we met the teacher's husband. It just so happened that he was a friend we had not seen in a couple of years. When we had last seen him, he wasn't exactly walking with God. He had just recently gotten his life on track and had quite a testimony to share. While that didn't directly impact our adoption, God was allowing us to see His hand at work. He was showing us that there isn't anything He can't do. There is nothing that He can't perfectly orchestrate. What a powerful message and a great encouragement.
     We are now finished with our class and we are waiting on the "official" approval of our application. I have a job lined up for the summer (since substitute teachers don't get paid when the kids aren't there). Ryan was able to trade in his truck to significantly lower his monthly payment. God is working out the details one at a time. Justin and Rachel have finalized the adoption of a beautiful baby girl, and they have become very involved in our journey. God has blessed us so much in just six months time. Letting go used to stress me out and scare me to death. I like being in control. But when I see the awesome things that God can do, and is doing, I just want to sit back and enjoy the ride. My fear has been replaced with excitement. I can't wait to see what God is going to do next.

Ryan and I have been married for five years. We battled infertility for about four and half years. When we were dating we had discussed that one day we would like to adopt a child. We didn't realize at the time what journey God had in store for us in the future. During the four and half years that we battled infertility, I fought with God and sometimes my husband. I went through times when I felt that I lived in constant heartache. Life was not fair. About two years into our struggle I began researching adoption. I did this off and on for a couple of years, but each time I looked I became overwhelmed by the cost and the process. I completed my B.S. in Elementary Education in December of 2010. By that time I had learned that I had no other choice but to sit back and trust God. I was just a passenger on the roller coaster that God was steering. I could protest and worry, but it wouldn't change a thing. I just became used to the idea that I wasn't going to see where the next turn or drop was going to happen, but it would work out anyway. A couple of months into my final internship, Ryan and I had decided to look into adoption again. This time it was not out of frustration, but out of a peace and a calling. God was guiding us to adoption at this time for a reason that is all His own. He placed friendships and circumstances in our lives that all pointed to adoption. Though we had no idea where the resources were coming from, we decided to take a leap of faith and begin the process that we knew God was calling us to. After several months of praying and researching agencies, we finally decided on Florida Baptist Children's Home. This blog details our journey through this scary, stressful, exciting, and ultimately rewarding process.