It has been a long time since I have given an update about where we are in our journey. We have finally completed our homestudy! It took us over four months, but it is finally complete. The homestudy consisted of two visits to our house and one e-mailed list of questions by a very sweet lady from Florida Baptist Children's Home. We were asked about our jobs, our relationship with each other and our families, our faith, our childhood, our parenting plans, our expectations, our finances, etc. I had to learn CPR and first aid, we had to get fingerprinted, criminal background reports notarized, and we all had to provide a report of health from our doctors (including the dog and cat). As of two weeks ago, our homestudy was finally signed and the $1, 500 homestudy fee was paid. This marked the end of the paperwork phase and the beginning of the matching phase (the part where we wait to be matched with a birthmother or a child). As I sat on the couch, across from the social worker, and listened to her telling me about the six birthmothers (only two of which meet our specifications) that they are currently working with, my heart sank a little. At that point, we had only raised a little under $3,000 (and we are so grateful to all of you who have helped us get to this point). I let her know that, while we would be happy to be matched with a child anywhere from newborn to three years old, I just couldn't see how we would be able to raise the $15,000 needed to adopt an infant. She looked confused and asked who had told us $15,000? I explained that it was the price stated on the FBCH paperwork (and a price we had mentioned to several FBCH workers since then). In that moment, she gave me the best news that I have had since beginning this process. If we are matched with a birthmother, we will only be charged 10% of our income based on our last tax return. The max that any family would pay would be $15,000. Last years tax return reflects my internship, in which I worked for free for five months. Therefore, if we are matched with a birthmother, our cost will only be $5,200 (and that includes the homestudy fee)! With almost $3,000 raised, that seemed a lot more achievable. If we are matched with a child that is currently in the state's custody, we owe nothing further. All this time, I have been praying that God would somehow find a way to bring us $15,000. I had no idea how He would do it, but I believed He would provide a way for us to complete the journey that He had called us to. While my God is perfectly capable of making $15,000 drop into our laps, He loves us too much to meet our needs in such an impersonal way. Instead, He reminded us that our ways are not His ways, and that He is not bound by the solutions that we can see with our human eyes. Through hard work (and a lot more time and frustration) $15,000 could probably be raised, and there would be some who wouldn't see God's hand through our human efforts. But, because it is our deepest desire that God receive all the glory through our journey, He met our need by doing what we had no way of doing ourselves. He lowered the price of our adoption.
After doing our taxes this year, and committing the full return to our adoption fund, we had only $365 left to raise to completely pay for our adoption! So, with leftover stuff from the last two garage sales, we decided to have just one more. I was not excited about it, to be honest. While I wanted to raise the remaining funds, I didn't want to deal with one more self-centered, penny-hoarding, garage-saler. Seeing how self-absorbed people can be everyday at my job and on the news really discourages me about the human race. I didn't see how I could intentionally place myself in a position to experience more of it and emotionally survive it. On top of that, with each garage sale we have received more stuff to sell (which we were very thankful for) but less helping hands. I am very grateful to those who came out to help on Saturday. Without you, I literally would not have been able to pull it off. So, what was the end result? We raised $400! That means our adoption is paid for! And as much as I hate garage sales, and have no intention of doing another one anytime in the near future, I am grateful for the small ways that God showed up in the midst of my discouragement. At each garage sale I met individuals who had adopted, were adopted, knew someone who was adopted/adopting, and even one lady who brought her foster child garage-saling with her. Several people wanted to hug me, tell me their stories, offer encouragement, and a couple of people were so touched by our dedication to adoption that they teared up. And since God knew that I was less enthused about this garage sale than I was about the previous ones combined, He started my day with an encouraging sense of humor. At the start of the garage sale, an ugly white bird flew into our yard and walked right up to the tables. I though it was odd for such a large ugly bird to be so close to us when he had several unoccupied yards to choose from. Then, someone informed me that it was a stork. Seriously? I laughed out loud. What an appropriate way to kick off our adoption garage sale. For some people, a white dove makes them think of God's hand in the midst of struggle and it gives them a sense of peace. God sent me a big, ugly, white stork - and it's exactly what I needed.
Last time I blogged, Ryan and I were struggling to find time together and we were feeling financially strapped. Since then, we have gone on a couple of dates, a vacation to Tennessee (thanks Aunt Penny and Uncle Chris), paid off one student loan, and I splurged on my first pedicure. We are even going to our first marriage conference next weekend with the couple we started our adoption process with. The light at the end of the tunnel is looking a little brighter these days.
Thank you God for showing me that some people still have a heart, and that You will bring encouragement when it is least expected and most needed. Thank you for bring just the right people into my life at just the right time, and for the new friendships that have come out of that. Thank you most of all for teaching me through this journey that You are the one that I can depend on for anything, no matter what the situation looks like though my human eyes. I have nothing to fear, and nothing is impossible with You. Thank you in advance for your grace that will continue to carry me when I forget these lessons out of my human ignorance, and for Your incredible love that will teach me the same lesson multiple times. I hope and pray that the lessons I learn through this journey will not be forgotten and that they are used to point others to You. And here is something that I never thought I'd thank you for. Thank you for not allowing me to begin a family the way that I thought I always would - for not allowing me to become pregnant when I wanted it most. I couldn't see what you had in store for Ryan and I then, and couldn't see how it could be any better that giving me what I wanted. You will give us a child and fulfill our hearts' desire, but You have given us a journey that has brought us closer to Your heart than we ever would have been if You had done things our way. We have a story that starts and ends with You, one that gives You the glory, and one that hopefully points others to You. That is greater than any story we could have written ourselves. Thank You for letting us be a part of it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
It's a Date!
We finally have a date to begin our homestudy! For those of you wondering what that is, scroll down to the Adoption 101 post for an explanation of these adoption terms. This will be the first of three meetings. Monday, October 17th, at 3pm, marks the beginning of our last step before we can just wait on being matched with a child.
I have to be honest and say that I am looking forward to the end of this journey. First, because I just want to have our child in our home and in our arms for good. Second, because I can't wait for life to settle down a little bit. As some of you read this, I'm sure you laughed and thought, "wait until that baby gets here". But, that is a different kind of crazy. That is the kind of crazy that I have been looking forward to for a long time. I am tired of fundraising, marketing, begging, explaining, and being on a constant roller coaster that can go from frustration to amazing joy and then to disappointment in one swoop. I feel like an expectant mother with no due date to look forward to. And though Ryan and I feel all of the emotions of parents who are expecting their first child, we don't always get the response from others that a physically expectant parent would get. I want to experience normal family life with all of it's normal craziness. But, since we are still so far from our goal, I am spending every free moment thinking of ways to raise money and trying to organize/carry out those events. I am sleep deprived and I sometimes feel like I am unsuccessfully juggling too many balls. I can't seem to come up with enough successful fundraisers, market and manage them effectively, support my husband in his school endeavors, make time for church and family, make time for the One who gives me each day, keep my house organized and clean, and be Christ-like each day in a job that provides me with daily abuse but pays the bills. For fear of sounding negative, and like a complainer, I just bury it all, hoping that it will let up. But it doesn't. I knew this year would be tough as we would have to strap ourselves down with a rewarding end in mind. It sounded good in theory, but the reality is becoming more than I can carry on most days. We have not taken a single vacation or celebrated any quality time together, including our anniversary. Most couples take time before their baby comes to enjoy their time together before life changes forever. With everything that this process demands, I don't see any such time for us in the near future. I often wonder if I will be too tired and frustrated to enjoy what we have waited for when it finally arrives. Even as you read through this post, you may get the feeling that you are on an emotional roller coaster. Welcome to the journey. This is the real deal - no holding back. In one breath, there are things to celebrate. In the next, I have to be honest about my weakness. I'm am in that place where I feel like I have climbed three fourths of the mountain and can't manage another step. There are many times I feel like quitting, but then I look at how far we've come. So, I push forward, becoming increasingly angry at the mountain for tormenting me so. As I told a friend the other night, I believe that there is value in the journey. It's a journey that we are meant to be on, and it is one in which God has taught me a lot about Himself and His desire to be personally involved in every aspect of our lives. While I sometimes envy the ease to which many people add to their family, I have to admit that I wouldn't trade this journey. My child will have an amazing story about God's faithfulness before he/she is ever born. I am so very thankful how my faith has been stretched, and how my relationship with both God and my husband has taken on new depth that, without this trying journey, wouldn't have been possible. However, I am ready to be done now. I know that this is when it matters the most, so I am crawling up the mountain, hoping that relief will find it's way to me somehow.
With that being said, we are having what I hope will be our last adoption garage sale this Saturday. I am praying that God will amaze us a second time! And, I have started a second job. This was actually an answer to prayer. I knew that more money needed to be coming in on a regular basis, but couldn't think of a part time job that would bring in enough money to be worth the aggravation. Then, I got a call from my Tastefully Simple lady, who offered to do a fundraiser for our adoption. As we talked, she said, "Why don't you sell it (yummy food that is super simple - ask me about how to get it free) and put all of the profits toward your adoption?". Duh. I had been interested in it at one time, but had forgotten about it when running through my list of part time job ideas. She felt like the timing of her call was nothing short of God answering prayer. I agree. She even shared our story with another lady in the company, who wanted to know "how it ends". So, even in the midst of all our craziness, I am continuing to pray that our journey points others to Christ. However "it ends", it will be with God getting all the glory.
I have to be honest and say that I am looking forward to the end of this journey. First, because I just want to have our child in our home and in our arms for good. Second, because I can't wait for life to settle down a little bit. As some of you read this, I'm sure you laughed and thought, "wait until that baby gets here". But, that is a different kind of crazy. That is the kind of crazy that I have been looking forward to for a long time. I am tired of fundraising, marketing, begging, explaining, and being on a constant roller coaster that can go from frustration to amazing joy and then to disappointment in one swoop. I feel like an expectant mother with no due date to look forward to. And though Ryan and I feel all of the emotions of parents who are expecting their first child, we don't always get the response from others that a physically expectant parent would get. I want to experience normal family life with all of it's normal craziness. But, since we are still so far from our goal, I am spending every free moment thinking of ways to raise money and trying to organize/carry out those events. I am sleep deprived and I sometimes feel like I am unsuccessfully juggling too many balls. I can't seem to come up with enough successful fundraisers, market and manage them effectively, support my husband in his school endeavors, make time for church and family, make time for the One who gives me each day, keep my house organized and clean, and be Christ-like each day in a job that provides me with daily abuse but pays the bills. For fear of sounding negative, and like a complainer, I just bury it all, hoping that it will let up. But it doesn't. I knew this year would be tough as we would have to strap ourselves down with a rewarding end in mind. It sounded good in theory, but the reality is becoming more than I can carry on most days. We have not taken a single vacation or celebrated any quality time together, including our anniversary. Most couples take time before their baby comes to enjoy their time together before life changes forever. With everything that this process demands, I don't see any such time for us in the near future. I often wonder if I will be too tired and frustrated to enjoy what we have waited for when it finally arrives. Even as you read through this post, you may get the feeling that you are on an emotional roller coaster. Welcome to the journey. This is the real deal - no holding back. In one breath, there are things to celebrate. In the next, I have to be honest about my weakness. I'm am in that place where I feel like I have climbed three fourths of the mountain and can't manage another step. There are many times I feel like quitting, but then I look at how far we've come. So, I push forward, becoming increasingly angry at the mountain for tormenting me so. As I told a friend the other night, I believe that there is value in the journey. It's a journey that we are meant to be on, and it is one in which God has taught me a lot about Himself and His desire to be personally involved in every aspect of our lives. While I sometimes envy the ease to which many people add to their family, I have to admit that I wouldn't trade this journey. My child will have an amazing story about God's faithfulness before he/she is ever born. I am so very thankful how my faith has been stretched, and how my relationship with both God and my husband has taken on new depth that, without this trying journey, wouldn't have been possible. However, I am ready to be done now. I know that this is when it matters the most, so I am crawling up the mountain, hoping that relief will find it's way to me somehow.
With that being said, we are having what I hope will be our last adoption garage sale this Saturday. I am praying that God will amaze us a second time! And, I have started a second job. This was actually an answer to prayer. I knew that more money needed to be coming in on a regular basis, but couldn't think of a part time job that would bring in enough money to be worth the aggravation. Then, I got a call from my Tastefully Simple lady, who offered to do a fundraiser for our adoption. As we talked, she said, "Why don't you sell it (yummy food that is super simple - ask me about how to get it free) and put all of the profits toward your adoption?". Duh. I had been interested in it at one time, but had forgotten about it when running through my list of part time job ideas. She felt like the timing of her call was nothing short of God answering prayer. I agree. She even shared our story with another lady in the company, who wanted to know "how it ends". So, even in the midst of all our craziness, I am continuing to pray that our journey points others to Christ. However "it ends", it will be with God getting all the glory.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
iPad/Wii Drawing
Thank you so much to all of you who participated in our iPad/Wii Raffle! Congratulations to Dina M., winner of the Wii, and to Kacie N., winner of the iPad! Overall, we raised $970. I will post the videos shortly so that you can watch the video of each drawing.
I was hoping that I could tell you that we have a date to start our homestudy by this point, but apparently we are playing the waiting game again - my favorite. Our homestudy was supposed to start in September, but here we are in October. If ever there was a lesson in how I could depend on other people to get things done, this adoption process wouldn't be it. As soon as we hear anything about a date, I will post something to let you know.
The room that we are standing in during the drawing is our future child's room. It is all pink right now, but it will not be staying that way for long. Once we begin our homestudy, I will be going to town painting that bedroom in green and yellow to match the Winnie the Pooh theme that we have had picked out for the last five years. I will post pictures when it is finished. I can't wait to wake up to a baby in a crib, surrounded by Winnie the Pooh! I love the way that the morning sun pours into that room, and every time I walk by it I can just picture starting my day in that room with our precious little gift from God.
I was hoping that I could tell you that we have a date to start our homestudy by this point, but apparently we are playing the waiting game again - my favorite. Our homestudy was supposed to start in September, but here we are in October. If ever there was a lesson in how I could depend on other people to get things done, this adoption process wouldn't be it. As soon as we hear anything about a date, I will post something to let you know.
The room that we are standing in during the drawing is our future child's room. It is all pink right now, but it will not be staying that way for long. Once we begin our homestudy, I will be going to town painting that bedroom in green and yellow to match the Winnie the Pooh theme that we have had picked out for the last five years. I will post pictures when it is finished. I can't wait to wake up to a baby in a crib, surrounded by Winnie the Pooh! I love the way that the morning sun pours into that room, and every time I walk by it I can just picture starting my day in that room with our precious little gift from God.
Thanks again to everyone who participated in the raffle and brought us a little bit closer to bringing our baby home. Congratulations to the winners!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Home Sweet Home
We finally have a home to do the homestudy in! God definitely came through at the very last minute. The last day of our lease on our townhouse was August 31st, and we found the house that we are now renting on the 27th. We did not sign the lease papers until the 30th and we had to move everything in on the 31st, which also happened to be a full work day for me. God seems to be taking every opportunity possible to stretch my faith. I'm feeling a little bit like a worn out rubber band right now, but I am very thankful to be in our house. The dog and our future child have a fenced in backyard to play in, and we are paying less for more square footage. God is good! We are still in the process of unpacking, organizing, and decorating, but we are getting settled. Now that we have a home, I am looking forward to our homestudy (though we are still waiting on an official date). I feel so relieved knowing that God has already provided the funds to pay for our homestudy. Thank you again to all of you who worked and gave so much to make that possible.
As we move forward, it is sometimes hard not to get distracted by the mountain that still lies ahead, and forget to appreciate what God has already done. It seems so foolish, even as I find myself doing it. I can relate to the Israelites as they were wandering through the desert. We are tempted to say, "What was wrong with them? God gave them food, protected them, parted the Red Sea for them...and they still doubted Him?". That is, until we find ourselves standing in their shoes. Why do we doubt, even in the midst of all the blessings that He showers down on us? There is always that tempting question, "But what if He doesn't come through THIS time? I know He did that, but what if the next part is too big?" Even as I think these things, I know how ridiculous it is. And yet, the questions still come.
Due to the mild chaos that has been our life recently, we have not had time to get the word out about our iPad/Wii raffle. So, we are extending the deadline to October 2nd. Raffle tickets can be purchased on our blog (one for $10 or 3 for $25). If everybody got in on the raffle, we could have the mountain almost, if not completely, tackled. We still have $13,500 to raise. During a meeting about a week ago, I also learned that we may have to hire our own lawyer to do our finalization paperwork. Unless we can find someone who would like to donate their services out of the goodness of their heart, this will add an additional $3,000-$5,000 to that total. So, what is left to raise is going up faster than funds are coming in. It gets more than a little discouraging at times. You can help by praying hard and often, and reposting our blog (encourage your friends to repost too!).
As we settle in and wait for the next step, I am making every effort to spend time thinking about all we have to be thankful for and praising God for all of the blessings He has already provided us with. He owes us nothing, and yet He has so richly blessed us. I am determined to let my praises outdo my worries.
As we move forward, it is sometimes hard not to get distracted by the mountain that still lies ahead, and forget to appreciate what God has already done. It seems so foolish, even as I find myself doing it. I can relate to the Israelites as they were wandering through the desert. We are tempted to say, "What was wrong with them? God gave them food, protected them, parted the Red Sea for them...and they still doubted Him?". That is, until we find ourselves standing in their shoes. Why do we doubt, even in the midst of all the blessings that He showers down on us? There is always that tempting question, "But what if He doesn't come through THIS time? I know He did that, but what if the next part is too big?" Even as I think these things, I know how ridiculous it is. And yet, the questions still come.
Due to the mild chaos that has been our life recently, we have not had time to get the word out about our iPad/Wii raffle. So, we are extending the deadline to October 2nd. Raffle tickets can be purchased on our blog (one for $10 or 3 for $25). If everybody got in on the raffle, we could have the mountain almost, if not completely, tackled. We still have $13,500 to raise. During a meeting about a week ago, I also learned that we may have to hire our own lawyer to do our finalization paperwork. Unless we can find someone who would like to donate their services out of the goodness of their heart, this will add an additional $3,000-$5,000 to that total. So, what is left to raise is going up faster than funds are coming in. It gets more than a little discouraging at times. You can help by praying hard and often, and reposting our blog (encourage your friends to repost too!).
As we settle in and wait for the next step, I am making every effort to spend time thinking about all we have to be thankful for and praising God for all of the blessings He has already provided us with. He owes us nothing, and yet He has so richly blessed us. I am determined to let my praises outdo my worries.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Garage Sale Success
Wow! God is so good. We wrapped up our adoption fundraising garage sale today, and it was an amazing success. After weeks of daily rain, we had a beautiful sunny day. Many people donated items for us to sell, including some delicious baked goods. Then, some showed up at 6:30 this morning to help set up and finish pricing. Those who set up left after things got running smoothly, and then others showed up with MORE items to sell and hung around to monitor the crowds. The support we have felt throughout the preparation and completion of our garage sale is absolutely incredible. Our church family, friends, and family have become so lovingly entwined in our journey. They have prayed, worked, stressed, and cheered with us every step of the way. God's love has been made real to us through each and every one of you. There are not words to express the depth of gratitude that we feel for all of the hours you have spent praying and helping us raise money so far. Though I sometimes feel unsure when I look at the mountain we still have yet to climb, it is days like today that make the journey seem more exciting than stressful. When you partner with us in faith, God shows up in big ways. I can't wait to see what He will do next. So, how much did we make today? Well, after having high hopes that our garage sale would produce $500-$600, God far exceeded our expectations with a total of $1,009. God is SO good. We are now less than $100 away from having our homestudy completely paid for...just in time for our homestudy to start in September. So, for everyone who prayed, donated, sweat, baked, sorted, priced, and sacrificed precious sleep on a Saturday...THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I had an added blessing today, even before we knew how God was coming through in such a big way. I love it when God shows me how much He loves me in small ways in the middle of all my chaos. This was one of those moments. A woman walked up to me in the middle of a discussion that I was having with a customer who was trying to rip me off. She asked if she could interrupt me for a moment. I turned to her and she pulled me into a hug and said, "God bless you". She told me that this garage sale was such a blessing to see. She was adopted when she three days old and told me that it is such a gift. This brought a smile to my face. Did I mention that God is good?
As we celebrate the blessing that was today, we still have a long way to go. I am trying to just bask in the warmth of God's love that is so present in this moment, but I do want to let everyone know about the raffle that started today and will continue until September 17th. We are raffling off a brand new Wii and iPad. You can purchase raffle tickets on the right side of this bog page. You can purchase one ticket for $10 or three for $25. Also, keep your eye out for future blog posts. If you repost them, you could win additional prizes - even if you haven't purchased any raffle tickets! This next month will be exciting for us as we start our home study, and hopefully we can make it exciting for you as we give away some prizes.
For those of you who are praying for us, please pray that we find a place to live very soon. Our lease on our townhouse is up on the 31st of this month and we have not found a place to move yet. A home is kind of an important part of a homestudy. I am hoping that God has just the right place in mind for our growing family and is just making me wait until the last minute in a continuous attempt to grow my faith. In the midst of all my stress, I know that God is still good.
I had an added blessing today, even before we knew how God was coming through in such a big way. I love it when God shows me how much He loves me in small ways in the middle of all my chaos. This was one of those moments. A woman walked up to me in the middle of a discussion that I was having with a customer who was trying to rip me off. She asked if she could interrupt me for a moment. I turned to her and she pulled me into a hug and said, "God bless you". She told me that this garage sale was such a blessing to see. She was adopted when she three days old and told me that it is such a gift. This brought a smile to my face. Did I mention that God is good?
As we celebrate the blessing that was today, we still have a long way to go. I am trying to just bask in the warmth of God's love that is so present in this moment, but I do want to let everyone know about the raffle that started today and will continue until September 17th. We are raffling off a brand new Wii and iPad. You can purchase raffle tickets on the right side of this bog page. You can purchase one ticket for $10 or three for $25. Also, keep your eye out for future blog posts. If you repost them, you could win additional prizes - even if you haven't purchased any raffle tickets! This next month will be exciting for us as we start our home study, and hopefully we can make it exciting for you as we give away some prizes.
For those of you who are praying for us, please pray that we find a place to live very soon. Our lease on our townhouse is up on the 31st of this month and we have not found a place to move yet. A home is kind of an important part of a homestudy. I am hoping that God has just the right place in mind for our growing family and is just making me wait until the last minute in a continuous attempt to grow my faith. In the midst of all my stress, I know that God is still good.
After a very hot and successful day
Ryan, my sister Danielle, and my dad working hard
Justin and Rachel's (they graciously let us use their house for the sale) adopted daughter
Justin holding Hannah as she models our logo on a onesie
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Adoption Garage Sale and Raffle
This Saturday, August 20th, we will be having a garage sale to raise money for our adoption. We will have a variety of items for sale, including our adoption apparel. We can use volunteers, donated items, and customers. Thank you so much to those of you who have already committed to donate and volunteer! See our event on Facebook for the address and some more details about how to participate. We would love to see you there!
We will also be starting our raffle this week for a brand new iPad and Wii. You will be able to begin purchasing tickets at the garage sale. Stay tuned to our posts for re-post challenges for even more chances to win. One ticket will cost $10, or you can get three tickets for $25. You can put all of your tickets toward the iPad, the Wii, or a combination of the two. We hope to see you Saturday!
We will also be starting our raffle this week for a brand new iPad and Wii. You will be able to begin purchasing tickets at the garage sale. Stay tuned to our posts for re-post challenges for even more chances to win. One ticket will cost $10, or you can get three tickets for $25. You can put all of your tickets toward the iPad, the Wii, or a combination of the two. We hope to see you Saturday!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Adoption 101
Since we are moving forward again, I figured that I should explain some of the terms that I have used and will be using in the months to come. I sometimes forget that I am talking to people who have never before had a window into this process. Maybe it's just the teacher in me, but I figured that breaking the terms down would make our blog a little easier to follow. There are a lot of new terms that come with the adoption process, and these are the most important and/or most frequently used:
- Adoptive Parents - that's us.
- Birthmother - the woman who gives birth to the child we will adopt.
- Homestudy - this is when a social worker from the adoption agency (or in some cases the state) comes into our home to make sure that it is a safe environment for the child. Since we are using Florida Baptist Children's Homes, our homestudy will be broken into three parts. In addition to checking out our home, the social worker will discuss our childhood, relationships, planned parenting style, plans for child care, desired openness of the adoption, and in our case, our faith. They want to know everything about us so that they can make sure that we are fit to parent a child and to assist them in making the right match for us. This process can be expedited if we are matched quickly, but without a need to expedite it, it will take two to three months to complete.
- Open Adoption - this describes an adoption in which the involved individuals will have access to information about one another. The level of openness is up to the individuals involved. It could be completely open, in which case, the adoptive parents are comfortable with the child maintaining a relationship with the birthmother. It could be as simple as the adoptive parents sending pictures and/or letters to the birthmother once a year. The terms of an open adoption will look different for each adoption. This is a more recent way of doing adoptions, and it has proved to be more beneficial. This allows the child to have important information and contact information about his/her biological family if he/she should need it or want it in the future. It makes the transition less traumatic for the birthmother as well. Ryan and I have agreed to sending letters and pictures once a year if the birthmother wants that. Our last name and contact information will remain confidential. All communication will be directed through the adoption agency to keep the information confidential. This is the level of openness that we are currently comfortable with. Some birthmothers will not request any openness at all. In the homestudy, they will use this information to pair us with the right birthmother.
- Closed Adoption - No information is shared. This was very common in the past when adoption was seen as a big secret. This caused harm to children as they tried to figure out who they were. It cast a negative light on adoptions. This is almost never done anymore. If a child is adopted through the state (parental rights have already been terminated) then the adoption would be closed. Florida is technically a closed adoption state, which means that any agreement to openness that is made between the birthmother and adoptive parents is not legally binding.
- Termination of Parental Rights - Both the biological mother and father must sign over their rights to a child before the child can be adopted. Every effort must be made to identify and find the biological father, so that he can't come back later and say that he wants custody of the child. Birthmothers are required to wait 72 hours (or until they leave the hospital, whatever comes first) before they can sign away their parental rights. This allows them enough time to be fully aware of their decision and gives them the opportunity to change their mind.
- Private Adoption - this is an adoption in which the adoptive parents are paired with a birthmother and will be adopting the newborn baby. All other adoptions remove children from the state system, which means that parental rights were terminated before there was a waiting adoptive family.
- Placement - we get to take the baby home! However, the child is considered to be technically in the custody of the state at this point. This is the limbo period between when the birthmother has terminated her rights and when the child legally becomes part of our family. Despite the legality of the situation, the child will be living at home with us during the time between placement and finalization.
- Post Placement Visits - the social worker comes to check on the adoptive parents and the child to make sure that everyone is transitioning well. The social worker must do this about three times before finalization.
- Finalization - we go before a judge in court and the baby officially becomes part of our family for good.
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