Adoption 101

     Since we are moving forward again, I figured that I should explain some of the terms that I have used and will be using in the months to come.  I sometimes forget that I am talking to people who have never before had a window into this process.  Maybe it's just the teacher in me, but I figured that breaking the terms down would make our blog a little easier to follow.  There are a lot of new terms that come with the adoption process, and these are the most important and/or most frequently used:

• Adoptive Parents - that's us.
• Birthmother - the woman who gives birth to the child we will adopt.
• Homestudy - this is when a social worker from the adoption agency (or in some cases the state) comes into our home to make sure that it is a safe environment for the child.  Since we are using Florida Baptist Children's Homes, our homestudy will be broken into three parts.  In addition to checking out our home, the social worker will discuss our childhood, relationships, planned parenting style, plans for child care, desired openness of the adoption, and in our case, our faith.  They want to know everything about us so that they can make sure that we are fit to parent a child and to assist them in making the right match for us. This process can be expedited if we are matched quickly, but without a need to expedite it, it will take two to three months to complete.
• Open Adoption - this describes an adoption in which the involved individuals will have access to information about one another.  The level of openness is up to the individuals involved.  It could be completely open, in which case, the adoptive parents are comfortable with the child maintaining a relationship with the birthmother.  It could be as simple as the adoptive parents sending pictures and/or letters to the birthmother once a year.  The terms of an open adoption will look different for each adoption.  This is a more recent way of doing adoptions, and it has proved to be more beneficial.  This allows the child to have important information and contact information about his/her biological family if he/she should need it or want it in the future. It makes the transition less traumatic for the birthmother as well. Ryan and I have agreed to sending letters and pictures once a year if the birthmother wants that.  Our last name and contact information will remain confidential.  All communication will be directed through the adoption agency to keep the information confidential.  This is the level of openness that we are currently comfortable with.  Some birthmothers will not request any openness at all.  In the homestudy, they will use this information to pair us with the right birthmother.
• Closed Adoption -  No information is shared.  This was very common in the past when adoption was seen as a big secret.  This caused harm to children as they tried to figure out who they were. It cast a negative light on adoptions.  This is almost never done anymore.  If a child is adopted through the state (parental rights have already been terminated) then the adoption would be closed.  Florida is technically a closed adoption state, which means that any agreement to openness that is made between the birthmother and adoptive parents is not legally binding.
• Termination of Parental Rights - Both the biological mother and father must sign over their rights to a child before the child can be adopted.  Every effort must be made to identify and find the biological father, so that he can't come back later and say that he wants custody of the child.  Birthmothers are required to wait 72 hours (or until they leave the hospital, whatever comes first) before they can sign away their parental rights.  This allows them enough time to be fully aware of their decision and gives them the opportunity to change their mind. 
• Private Adoption - this is an adoption in which the adoptive parents are paired with a birthmother and will be adopting the newborn baby.  All other adoptions remove children from the state system, which means that parental rights were terminated before there was a waiting adoptive family.
• Placement - we get to take the baby home!  However, the child is considered to be technically in the custody of the state at this point.  This is the limbo period between when the birthmother has terminated her rights and when the child legally becomes part of our family.  Despite the legality of the situation, the child will be living at home with us during the time between placement and finalization.
• Post Placement Visits - the social worker comes to check on the adoptive parents and the child to make sure that everyone is transitioning well.  The social worker must do this about three times before finalization.
• Finalization - we go before a judge in court and the baby officially becomes part of our family for good.

I know this was a lot of information, but hopefully this will help as you follow our journey.  It can be confusing if it seems like we are speaking another language.  Some of these terms can also be misleading.  Without understanding them, you might get excited for us prematurely.  Once you know them, it makes the process a little less intimidating.